LGBTQIA Pride

I am a transman, nonbinary, was on testosterone from 2009-2011 at a low dose, but have not been since then, my beard grows naturally, I like it, I like being Steven he/him, I have not had either transman top or transman bottom surgery and don't want either, I am also concerned that I cannot safely have any surgery and don't want it unless it is a true emergency. I have just started over the counter progesterone birth control, I am most certainly not looking for more drastic measures. I really don't see why there should be any issue with t-shirts, jeans or slacks, sweatshirts, and tennis shoes, which is what I wear almost all the time. I am not seeking electrolysis nor can I afford it. I am happy with my body including being fat. 

I am a gay man. I am interested almost exclusively in men. I have very briefly and not seriously dated women, but I don't find that I am in general emotionally attracted to women. I have dated five people for 1-2 years, four were men and one was a transwoman. I have been married or had a life partner twice, both to men. When I was younger, prior to my transition, I identified as bisexual, and I think it is likely my partner does as well. My ex husband was bisexual. 

I don't have a physical type I am attracted to. My type is programmers who are interested in physics and astronomy, typically older than me, also nerds. I have tended to be interested in gamers-- video gamers, board gamers, Live Action RPGers, Table Top RPGers (although I have done this last one very little to none). I don't gamble, and that is not a feature, though it is also not a deal breaker. I like science fiction and fantasy, I think probably all of them have too. I think probably all of them either read at least a little or a lot. Most of them were accomplished and intelligent, and ambitious in one way or another, though social success was usually not the specific goal. Most also had some irresponsible fun side somewhere (like me). Many enjoyed teaching, writing, research, or engineering. 

While I was born female, I was harassed for not looking totally normal as a girl, and I learned as an adult I had a small birth defect that would have caused me to die in childbirth, and possibly if someone had tried to forcibly rape me. I did have periods. It was surgically corrected. I have never been raped, fortunately, nor pregnant. It has also never been possible for me to be pregnant, although I don't know whether or not I am fertile, and I am not sexually innocent.

In high school, I was in two monogamous relationships that each lasted over a year, although the monogamy was not perfect, the violations were not really more than holding hands a couple of times or a single kiss, and it being high school, it did not ruin anyone's life.

In college I was in three long term relationships, one around two years, and two close to a year but a bit under, as well as meeting my ex husband who I was with for ten years, mostly following college. The relationship with the transwoman and the blind man overlapped. The relationship with my ex husband and the blind man overlapped. Everyone knew. So I was in fact poly, during college, but it was pretty thoroughly miserable. I also had a small number of very brief relationships/flings/hookups at parties with limited intimacy other than those. My partners had other partners. There was drama. I am not sure I was cheating any more so than any particular other person. It was just one big long mess of a network. However, I have had many clean STD tests since then, thankfully, and mainly dated only the three people and my ex-husband.

After college, my ex husband and I were initially poly, but we had terrible communication surrounding a one night stand, and he was very upset, and nearly left me. I did not mean to cheat on him, it was a misunderstanding. So we decided to become monogamous. I was completely faithful to him. In June 2011, he showed me divorce papers he did not plan to file and returned my ring just before or on our anniversary. He then moved to California to take a job the next day. I was devistated. I told someone about unimportant but true feelings at the same time as my ex husband by email. There were many reasons, details omitted. Chuck felt it was cheating to tell the other person FIRST rather than talking to him first, however, we had agreed that talking about feelings between ourselves or with other people was not cheating. So we were not poly, but again, it was a misunderstanding. Unfortunately the other guy was upset. And I was not even trying to date him! Chuck and I were separated, and he did not want me to visit (for unrelated reasons, not because of cheating) for several years. In that time, I still wanted to be monogamous. Without asking me, he began dating someone else, and moved in with him and his kid. By the time I met my current partner, I was upset with Chuck that not only did he have a partner, but he was refusing to keep me involved in his life with his partner. So we were still not poly, especially since Chuck wasn't okay with me having a partner. 

When I told Chuck about my feelings for Peter and that Peter was hitting on me, Chuck stopped talking to me for several months. After Peter held my hand for the first time and I reciprocated, Chuck called, and said he wanted a divorce. We were divorced a few months later.

Peter and I have been together, completely 100% monogamously, as far as I know, and certainly on my end, since 2015. I have no interest in polyamory, however, I would allow him to date someone else if that is what was absolutely necessary for us to be together. I absolutely would not tolerate dating someone else myself.

So I am not poly, and have not been, in any significant sense, since 2005.

I am not interested in BDSM. I can certainly enjoy a safe, kind, gentle power dynamic between partners chosen willingly (many gendered older generation relationships have some of this, and my partner and ex husband are both Gen X, and I am one of the oldest millennials, almost Gen X), but I despise sadism and do not like to see people hurt themselves. 

Actually elaborating on that, it is literally true that some of the people I took classes with were millennials and some were Gen X. Maybe even in my graduating class.