I am NOT an Athiest, contrary to popular concern
My grandmother(Nana) gave me a Jesus Loves Me music box when I was a toddler and sang to me. She was Catholic. My parents weren't. We did not go to church until I was around five, and then it was Methodist. I actually did believe most of what I was taught, especially most of the values about what a good person is and does. I learned that people go to Heaven by doing good things, and that most people go to Heaven, regardless of religion, and that it is not possible to know for certain which religion is more right than another. My parents were different Christian faiths and I had friends of a different religion when I was young. When we moved to St Cloud, we changed churches (obviously), but I also made a new best friend, who was an athiest. I actually was not an athiest, but I stood by her, because I did not believe that it was right that she should be harassed or excluded for being an athiest. If she did good things, she was still a good person, and that should be enough. Over the course of those events, and being harassed in my own church, especially after that bisexual Newsweek article came out, we stopped attending Methodist church. I spent quite a while discussing the question of how one knows which religion is the true religion with peers. To me, there was no clear resolution, and I can see that going forward into academia, I have become surrounded by many people of many religions from all over the world and many cultures, including atheism and agnosticism and not caring at all. It hasn't been hugely important to my professional life or my friendships in academia, and I appreciate the general tolerance academics extend one another and the way that a diversity of cultures and perspectives are not only welcomed but valued. After many years, and some further conversations with religious strangers and friends, I found my way to the Unitarian Universalist churches first in St Cloud and later in Baton Rouge. Baton Rouge is where I really connected. I still see that as my congregation-- if I could attend-- though in reality I think I am just going to have to stick by the principles of the religion and appreciate it from afar. I really could attend services remotely or attend the Church of the Larger Fellowship if I wanted to, but it is not quite the same as being there in person... maybe I should, idk. I don't actually believe it is necessary to do so to go to Heaven, I don't believe that most people if anyone goes to Hell, and I believe that church is more about community and personal growth than it is about pleasing a divine being, who presumably has plenty of self esteem to begin with. I do not believe that god is cruel or sends punishments as messages-- I think humans do that, or that they just happen. I do not believe that a good or just person or god hurts people or animals or gods or anything to make them do what they want or think what they want, deliberately and pointedly. Of course people sometimes suffer in small ways in life as a side effect of personal choices-- petty example is if two people are sharing food, one eats what the other wanted for dinner, not realizing, or simply because someone had to. But doing so maliciously or as a punishment for something else that happened, when they didn't even want the food, is cruel, and not something a good person does when on their best behavior (people are not perfect). I believe god is a "good person" to the best of his/her/their/whatever ability, beyond human capacity. I try to be a good person. It is my opinion, that if someone is making the claim that some pattern of pain is happening "to prove the existence of god" or "as a punishment from god", probably there is either a natural cause, or probably some bad person human is involved in the situation, possibly a group of them. Causing suffering and pain to prove a point is not something a good person does, and I do not believe that the kind of god that I would want to worship or believe in would do such a thing. If there is an evil god, well, then I am not worshiping him, and that is that. But I do not believe that is what is happening, instead, I believe there are many evil people.